Everyday have different story to tell, different feeling to show. Yesterday was great yet gives me a guidance to start my life for today. No people will stay the same over the time. I have to accept that people keep changing. Me myself is about go through the same phase.
Today, when I woke up, I had mixed feeling in my heart. I feel not needed, I feel stupid, I feel useless and fell like a carry hard burden. Deep in my mind there’s million things suddenly grow yet make me worry and bit nausea. Everyday seems like another set of puzzle to complete so that in the end of the day, I can get a big picture on how my life look alike.
I was once being so relevant and dependant but however I’m losing them day by day. I don’t love to be a leader anymore, I don’t like to sit in front when I’m in the class, I don’t enjoy driving fast, I don’t want to cook anymore, I don’t like to go to jog anymore. I don't behave the way I used to. I’m losing grip. I feel one part of me is dying. Once upon a time, a friend will look for me if they have a problem and absolutely I’m the best man ever in giving a free counselling session to them. Nowadays, I’m not being me anymore. Everything seems to be in contrary. I’m the one who look for my friend to ask their opinion, suggestion and their point-of-view. Where is great me gone?
I miss the moment when I and her is about to get know each other. I felt eager to know everything about her and however I can feel the different lately, maybe we getting more comfortable with each other which make the way we interact is much flexible and less numb. The most wistfully moment when she always asking me whether I had taken my food yet or not. Make me feel needed even it is the simplest question to ask “dah makan?” yet bring thousand joy to me. I never regretted for what I’ve said and done. Maybe it is not the perfect action and never been as romantic as it should be. But, this is another phase of my metamorphosis. It keeps develop everyday. I learn to understand. I’m experiencing a new way of tolerance. I am sorry if I’m not perfect. I wanna apologise if the way I treat you make you feel uneasy. I never have intention to do so. Forgive my imperfection. I know nothing is certain in this relationship. We haven’t decided yet how this relationship gonna be. But whatever happens, I will never give up until we had an exact answer upon this relationship because you are the most beautiful element of my life.
What happen to my dream? I have no answer. If before I can see how my future look alike instead, my vision getting blurry. I can’t see them anymore. Every time my vision blurry, I will use my tear to clean it up so that I can see them better. I spend lot of my time crying. I don’t think I am weak by crying because I believe tear is a medium to wash away all the dirt in my heart so that in the end, all left is pure heart. “Ya Allah, I beg you to endow me a strength. I feel so weak and helpless.” I miss the old me but I am happy of what I am now.
Life is wonderful. I hope I can get through all this. InsyaAllah.
:: h!lmi ::
Today, when I woke up, I had mixed feeling in my heart. I feel not needed, I feel stupid, I feel useless and fell like a carry hard burden. Deep in my mind there’s million things suddenly grow yet make me worry and bit nausea. Everyday seems like another set of puzzle to complete so that in the end of the day, I can get a big picture on how my life look alike.
I was once being so relevant and dependant but however I’m losing them day by day. I don’t love to be a leader anymore, I don’t like to sit in front when I’m in the class, I don’t enjoy driving fast, I don’t want to cook anymore, I don’t like to go to jog anymore. I don't behave the way I used to. I’m losing grip. I feel one part of me is dying. Once upon a time, a friend will look for me if they have a problem and absolutely I’m the best man ever in giving a free counselling session to them. Nowadays, I’m not being me anymore. Everything seems to be in contrary. I’m the one who look for my friend to ask their opinion, suggestion and their point-of-view. Where is great me gone?
I miss the moment when I and her is about to get know each other. I felt eager to know everything about her and however I can feel the different lately, maybe we getting more comfortable with each other which make the way we interact is much flexible and less numb. The most wistfully moment when she always asking me whether I had taken my food yet or not. Make me feel needed even it is the simplest question to ask “dah makan?” yet bring thousand joy to me. I never regretted for what I’ve said and done. Maybe it is not the perfect action and never been as romantic as it should be. But, this is another phase of my metamorphosis. It keeps develop everyday. I learn to understand. I’m experiencing a new way of tolerance. I am sorry if I’m not perfect. I wanna apologise if the way I treat you make you feel uneasy. I never have intention to do so. Forgive my imperfection. I know nothing is certain in this relationship. We haven’t decided yet how this relationship gonna be. But whatever happens, I will never give up until we had an exact answer upon this relationship because you are the most beautiful element of my life.
What happen to my dream? I have no answer. If before I can see how my future look alike instead, my vision getting blurry. I can’t see them anymore. Every time my vision blurry, I will use my tear to clean it up so that I can see them better. I spend lot of my time crying. I don’t think I am weak by crying because I believe tear is a medium to wash away all the dirt in my heart so that in the end, all left is pure heart. “Ya Allah, I beg you to endow me a strength. I feel so weak and helpless.” I miss the old me but I am happy of what I am now.
Life is wonderful. I hope I can get through all this. InsyaAllah.
:: h!lmi ::
No comments:
Post a Comment