Sunday, 14 March 2010

Unclear : Anything Can Happen

I took quite a moment to wrote this time after went missing for a while..

I'm pretty close to my target of life. Gonna finish my diploma. Then, start my degree. But the closer I am, thing get unclear indeed. Sometimes, we do have target and it seems to be we chose another path to reach there. What we got is total different thing from our initial plan.

I was planning to finish my master. Then, find a good job, buy a big house and nice car and start a family life with someone. Well you know, English epigram says "get ducks in the row". That is what life is about doesn't it?.. to achieve something.. I don't know.. things becomes complicated. I'm getting confuse, depressed and dull.

Long time ago, I was dreaming I'm gonna be an engineer. I'm perform great during my SPM during studied technical subject. It's was great back there. But, who knows today I'm doing majoring in business development..

Few years back, I'm just ordinary boy scout. Always been left behind. When I was a cub scout, I was so weak, slow in learning, low performance. In Shorts, nothing special about me. I always frustrated with my scoutmaster since he never chose me to go to any scout event. I'm simply attending weekly meeting. That' s all, nothing more. But today, I'm top of my scouting life. I'm the king of my kingdom, I'm a decision maker, I'm the ruler, I'm the one who control them.

When I was a kid, I've been bullied by elder, involved in fight, doing vulgar thing to girls, lied to my parent, 'skodeng', watch immoral video on internet and lots more.. Is that make me bad?.. I have no idea. I am what I am today. Stand on my own feet, walking through pain and develop new self-esteem yet improving my moral. I was a head prefect, I was head of club, I was head of most of the thing in my life.

That is the whole point. Nobody knows what is gonna happen to their life.. The past doesn't mean anything.

The moment I write this post, I am in love. So badly to tell her how much I love her. But it is being stop by the obligation I carried. I am a son to my parent, a brother to my sister, an uncle to my niece and nephew. There's lots more element in my life that I haven't complete them yet. Love is one of them, but not now.

Urrghhh.. I'm deeply in dilemma. Am I getting older to slowly or I'm getting matured to fast?

Life's wonderful. you never know what comes next. Anything Can Happen.....


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