The philosophy
It is quite a while I didn’t post a long entry. This might be the last entry (maybe) I posted here. Why? Ermm… I want to rest for a while and I want to keeps myself busy with my study and other thing.
I wish next me there is a shoulder that I can lean and cry in deep silence. Silence is torturing me very bad. Stand still in the dark and waits for the light to across this empty dream. My dream didn’t fill with joy and colour anymore lately. Every door I tried to open is locked down. I don’t have the key to open them and keep standing here wishing the Angel will dropped by and give me some answer on how to make my move.
I have a happy life but I feel there some pieces of puzzle are missing. I don’t know why I change a lot lately.
Current news
I already start my degree in international business with majoring in management. I met some new friend and try making myself confortable with the new environment in the new campus. So far, it is great accept for I have to walk from Giant hypermarket to the new campus to saving up my travelling cost. Huh! It’s tiring. But, I think it helps me loosing weight pretty much… nggee…
I was planning to do part time job this time. Look for more money since my allowance from MARA will be end on October. It’s kinda hard to support my life afterwards. Insha’Allah, there will always an opportunity and chance.
Plan adjustment
During my earlier study, I plan to finish up my diploma, then degree and finally my master. Being in relationship and marriage is not in the plan previously. But, in my final semester of diploma, I am falling in love with this “cute-good-nice-shy-smart-hard-awesome-yet complicated” girl. Ouch! I never have an intention to play around yet I want to take this matter it seriously. Sometimes I feel great while the other time I feel helpless when it is about her. I was so worry thinking whether both of us can make this relationship work or otherwise this just being kind of game in life. Only Allah knows what the best for me. I just can pray and tawakkal.
Life is wonderful. We never know what will come into our way. By knowing this girl, my life is such an epic. I learn a new thing everytime yet give me some sort of basic understanding on how to exploring the women’s complicated world.
I don’t play around. I have a serious intention because I have faith on her. Did you ever heard of story about a son asking her mom the meaning of love and marriage? Here it is:
‘’what is love mama?’’ In order to answer your question, go to our garden and choose the most beautiful flower and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick. The son went to the garden, go thru first row, he saw one beautiful flower, but he wonders, maybe there is a better than this one later. Then he saw another beautiful one. But maybe there is an even beautiful one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the garden, he start to realise that the flower is not as beautiful as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the most beautiful one, and he regretted! So, he ended up went back to the mom with empty hand. The mom told him, “This is love. You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person”
“What is marriage then?” the son asked. Mom said, 'In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is, you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.” The son went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the mom. The mom told him, 'This time you bring back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get. This is marriage.
I had found my flower. I won’t let it go……
Lighten up
I strongly believe that life always have thousand thing to offer for every of us. It is just matter of how we going to grab the opportunity. I missed my chance few times but no regret because life must go on. Past doesn’t offering you a wonderful time accept the room to you keep moaning. Thus, I want to forget the past and build my future with all strength I got by help of my Creator.
Some ask me why I write rather than talk? Dude! I seriously don’t know how to answer your question because I don’t have the exact answer but what I can tell you; that is because I have nobody to listen to me (what a pathetic life). But that seems to be good enough reason to me writing all I felt deep in my heart in here so that everybody can listen and understand how ‘cengeng’ am I… hihi…
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